I am a Black and White person no grey areas for me! Ever heard that before? Well I used to say it myself! Great if you buying a car not so good if you deal with people. If It's business also cool, but extend that kind of love to an intimate relationship, and your emotional life will be Black and Blue!

Let me explain : I believe we doom relationships from the outset.There are rules! And if anyone misbehaves consequences? Lets take marriage! We promise before God yada,yada,blah,blah! What we are doing is going Black and White! And it does all sound very reasonable, and I doubt that anyone does not mean it, when they actually say it! Here is the problem. We are not black and white we are Grey! There is no perfect human being! A prerequisite for Black and white. If we were perfect love would be unnecessary! But we are not, so we need love to make this lot work. Love is Grey, not black and white because it goes hand in hand with forgiveness! Forgiveness is grey to the core!

Lets go further. Why do we doom the relationship. What we say from day one is we wont.....insert list here...! Now we have just removed the safety of what a relationship should be. You can do and suffer anything except those things you promised not to, even if they do happen? There we create the lies that so often kill relationships. How can I admit that life has happened ,and those fears we expressed at the Altar, is now hunting me down and taking me ,all on my own! I have to lie, there is no other option! Instead of confronting the problem we hide it. Good move?

Let me be more specific with this example! Two high school sweethearts marry!  They are both virgins! ( I know but it is an example man) At 30-35, after 3 kids, she feels lonely as her conversations are mostly to or about kids,her body has morphed into her mothers,the sex is infrequent, the arguments many, the frustration real. He is working his ass off, trying to fund this lot. All he hears are kids this and that, she smells of vomit and baby food, is always tired and did not even notice the new tie he won? Those tracksuit pants are also not doing what those skinnies did for one? By now the kids are all in school and to help the budget she goes to work! She starts dressing better ,lose some weight,and regains her confidence. He is so far removed he hardly notices! Now enter either his secretary or her Boss? Take your pick! Divorce is ugly at best and personally have not seen my oldest daughter in 5 years or spoken to her! They're not good during the teenage years at best, with a divorce, they're brutal!

If we promise unconditional love and forgiveness, we change the whole picture? That means we focus on each other not ourselves! We now focus on being able to be honest and human! Even the Bible says we MAY get divorced if there is infidelity, not we must? We choose the selfish one more often than not. I did!

"According to the Bible, marriage is a lifetime commitment. “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). God realizes, though, that since marriages involve two sinful human beings, divorces are going to occur. In the Old Testament, He laid down some laws in order to protect the rights of divorcees, especially women (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Jesus pointed out that these laws were given because of the hardness of people’s hearts, not because they were God’s desire (Matthew 19:8)."

Do you even realize what we are up against in today's world. Exposure to other people, in social media, work and other situations. The freedom of expression people have. The sexual energy that we encounter daily from gym to buying a pack of smokes? It confronts us in movies, adds, everywhere. Maslow rates sex, along with food and shelter as the most base human needs! We are mammals after all, with urges and hormones! We force each other into situations with promises, we know we cannot promise? And we make our own heartache?

Unconditional love makes the mistake, that we have to forgive, theirs not ours! Our mistake would be, not loving with no condition! It cannot affect you if you truly love the other one with no restriction. Joost an Amor are back together! How many couples repeat this over and over. Make promises, fail, leave and try again.  Why do sexual partners before the marriage not bother you but if he/she slips it does? Selfishness? Your wife/husband is a possession? Or you made a promise that is tough to keep?

I do not condone immoral behavior in any way. I just choose to be there, love them and promise that nothing will ruin the love I hold for her! And that we will deal with it in love, understanding and forgiveness! I believe it nails temptation for one! Two it makes sure that your partner can be human and your marriage work forever! Nobody can control emotion and what life throws at us. But we control how we deal with it. I love unconditionally. and it's truly a liberating thing. In any event there is no other kind of love to me! I also believe this that it makes any slip, sexual or not, very remote! I'm not naive, I know this can be abused but that's not my problem is it? Unless i do the abusing.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I want her heart, not just her body. I want our souls to connect not just our genitals. The body goes to shit anyway at some point. But the rest will be beautiful forever. People may only want to own her body but i want to touch her soul! I want us to join our spirits. That can only be done with unconditional love. This is a bit sneaky I admit. Who in their right mind would not want this kind of commitment? What I have is an honest,fulfilling safe marriage, that focuses on what makes us human, the spirit.  Not just mammals the flesh! My message is this. You have your journey and make your decisions. I will not judge that! I will as your mate for life, love you with every bit of strength that I can muster. I cannot guarantee wealth,perfection or good health. I can however give my heart and love unconditionally. Sort out what may threaten this marriage, and allow me to love you? Try it It's way easier than you think. Scary? At first, but rewarding in a way I cannot describe! Love is the most powerful force ever known, and it truly does conquer all!

No I'm not crazy! Well just a little.